Azurblått och Indigo

"Where are you Pablo, I've looked everywhere for you. Where are you Pablo, why don't you answer the phone. Where are you Pablo, why don't you open the door? Did you go to your brother in Stockholm, did you go to London again? What's going on Pablo, tell me what the fucks going on, where are you Pablo?"

Everything went upside down in a second and I couldn't go back to sleep and I cannot breathe as long as I got this one hell of a bad decease. And the nightmares came over me again. My intention was not to hurt you but I guess that's what I did. All the times I've tried to explain to you what's going on inside my head. And the nightmares came over me again.

"You know I need you I'd never let you go. I love you Pablo. You said you'd never leave me, where are you Pablo?"

25 cigarettes in a chain and I don't usually smoke at all. 25 blocks without a cane and I don't usually block at all. And the nightmares came over me again. I got some bad motherfuckers to deal with and they came for me to tonight and I'm losing myself to a terrible mess that's impossible to fight. And the nightmares came over me again.

"You know I need you I'd never let you go. I love you Pablo. You said you'd never leave me, where are you Pablo?"

You know the little girl I was talking about she was hanging in a rope. I'm so exhausted and I'm so tired of this so don't expect from me to cope. And the nightmares came over me again. I said shoot me if you really hate me and then he shot me in the head. I could see it all happen right before my eyes and I was lying down there dead. And the nightmares came over me again.

"You know I need you I'd never let you go. I love you Pablo. You said you'd never leave me, where are you Pablo?"

Jag vet inte varför. Men jag kan bara inte hålla mig undan bloggandet. Det är som att jag måste få ur mig orden. Skriva ner vad jag tycker och tänker. Kanske en längtan efter att få påverka och influera människor. Men mest av allt är det här nog ändå min dagbok. Jag ska försöka att hålla den lite mindre dagboksaktig och inte skriva om för mycket som bara tillhör en stängd dagbok med lås, som bara öppnas med sin nyckel av mig.

Bara tiden kan säga hur det kommer att gå.